I am a woman, a mother, and a lover. Years ago I started to work on my book titled, Woman, Mother, Lover – motherhood and sexuality. At that time I was a “brand-new-mother” with my first baby. I was deeply in love with my partner and I was a pioneering sexuality educator and activist in Budapest where this profession simply did not exist. When we came to live in Amsterdam I became a migrant woman, a worrying mother, and a professional who had to start over from the very beginning. I was someone who left a home, a professional career, friends, grandmothers and a plentiful garden behind. I became like a little girl, sitting in the classroom studying language again, right back to the very beginning with the ABC’s. On the one hand I had to start a new life, on the other I got the chance to be born again. Because I am a forty-year-old mature women with all my capacities to learn, to apply everything I’ve ever learnt: my wisdom, my ability to listen and to create. Create a new home, a new garden, a new profession, a new life. It’s in me. This is me. I am an independent, deeply free yet still sensitive person. A woman inspired by Amsterdam, searching for new ideas, partners, and playgrounds to please my personal, professional and activist curiosity.
What is sex for me?
I am heterosexual, bisexual, pansexual, and many times simply asexual. It depends. I am open, curious and free from categories. I live in a loving relationship with my partner not because we are married but because we are in a passionate love, because we have goals, because we love to share our life, because we love to work with each other (and for each other), and because we have the same values and see the world in a very similar way. Simply because we are deeply connected.
I am very sexual. Sexuality for me is life, fluctuation, energy. Sexuality for me is being connected with others, with my garden, with soil, earth, water, and nature. Being connected with myself. Sexuality for me is a constant experiment. Sometimes I like to challenge my boundaries and be kinky, other times I am happy with being a decent vanilla. I love to make love, be passionate or just find security and intimacy. I am grateful for finding the spiritual moments when I am able to dissolve all consciousness. I love just being and letting my body know everything better. Sometimes I love flirting with strangers, being naughty or just holding hands with someone I love. Sometimes sex is long kissing or just sensations even without touching my body. Giving birth was one of my deepest sexual experiences and it is also very sexual to learn through my aging body.
Sexuality for me is a way to learn more about myself. Go deeper and deeper as life is still here with me.
Nevertheless, I know that sexuality has something to do with society. I think I am free from categories. This is not always true and was not always like this. It’s been a long journey. I was a little girl raised by a closeted gay father in a small town where homophobia was not only a blurry theoretical concept but also a daily experience. He was the best and worst father ever. He did his best to help me to become a successful and empowered woman, but the lie on which our family was based made the whole story controversial and extremely fragile. I was a university student when he was killed. He died because he was “homosexual”. He died because he was vulnerable, defenseless. Now I work devotedly for a world where no one can be harmed because of his or her sexual orientation, gender, race or any difference. I want my child to grow up in a safe and accepting environment. I don’t think in our near future these desires will ever be taken for granted.
What is my activism?
I am a “silent activist”. Sometimes I need to be loud and visible but there can also be a need for silence; just sitting with someone, listening to her or him and keeping the mirror at the right angle. Most of the time I do not march naked for women’s rights but I open up all my life and intimacy when it is needed. I am open, honest and personal. I am a professional but I never hide behind the mask of professionalism. I do believe that we each have the answer but sometimes we need someone to help us regain the capacity to follow those answers. I dare to be vulnerable not just as a woman but as a professional. I believe in sharing, mutual acceptance, connection and freedom. Working for these values is my sex-work. Fighting for these values is my activism.